We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Opened the apartment door and the smell of sex and weed literally slapped me across the face. Kudos.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
Randomize
