We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
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