Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
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