dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
fun fact: in my eskimo family tree i am the only brunette
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Randomize
