ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Randomize
