so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
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