Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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