Any toy can be an adult toy. Location, location, location.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
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