I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Drunk is not a location!
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize
