She is in my trunk
Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Woke up naked in another mans house. If that keeps happening, then I probably need to go gay. You know to make it ok.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
