and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize
