Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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