Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He busted his lip while trying to keep from passing out in the pool. The hotel people don't seem to be too concerned that we're passing around a bottle of SoCo at 11 am.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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