This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
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