Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
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