Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Randomize
