This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
She meowed at me. Repeatedly. Then she asked what was wrong with me because I didn't understand her.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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