You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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