the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
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