OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
