I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
Milquetoast, coolest word ever.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
