Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
First contact since we had sex and it's to get my HBO password. I sure pick winners huh
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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