sooo how much is appropriate to spend on a vibrator? what if it is really legit looking?
chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I feel like death gave me a hand job
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
