Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
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