Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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