he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Just had sex with your cousin. That's what you get for throwing away a perfectly good microwave. Hopefully you learned from this experience.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize
