we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
Randomize
