Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
there's nothing like the elf drinking game to get me in the christmas spirit.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
