Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
