I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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