I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
