It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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