I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
