maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
