He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
