i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
