My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Randomize
