When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just sneezed weed. Kinda wanna try to smoke it.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
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