those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
