So drunk, too bad you don't want this
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
