i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
