dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Jesus, I think this onesie was designed to keep me from masturbating.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
