this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Randomize
