Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
i think you may have a shot to cock block in a moment. just saying.
Wake up an cock block please bc these are noises i dont ever want to hear again
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
