Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
