Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
