you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
