I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
