and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
