I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
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