highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
