these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
Randomize
