please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
